The Agenda

By Ted Rao

[This article first appeared in The Agenda #13, December 2005]

In the first column I listed my ten favorite Providence bands ever. Apparently, this was one of the more popular aspects of the column, since people started giving me their own lists as well. Again, gimme some shit; I’ll stir it. Here are some for you, and please e-mail me your own personal top ten, as well as all questions at iamprov@gmail.com. Babe’s on the Sunnyside, R.I.P.

Mat Brinkman:

1. (tie) Glory Hole / Pussy Galore (Ted: I don’t think Pussy Galore can be counted as local even if Jon Spencer did go to Brown)
2. La Machine
3. Dropdead
4. Em Dath Rir
5. Pleasurehorse
6. Mx Rx Px
7. Von Ryan’s Express
8. Six Finger Satellite
9. White Mice
10. The Body

By Ted Rao

[This article first appeared in The Agenda #12, November 2005]

Cranston Mayor Steve Laffey is a complete idiot. I don’t care that he’s got an MBA from Harvard; so does our President, and there’s a guy that my cat could beat at Scrabble. He will not, repeat, will not be able to beat Senator Lincoln Chafee in next year’s primary, short of Chafee being caught in bed with a dead hooker. Even then, I doubt it. Besides, even if he did, Sheldon Whitehouse would demolish him in the general election. So screw Laffey. Wait, why do I care? Laffey’s the mayor of Cranston. This column is about Providence, America’s greatest city. Onward.

Could you please tell me a little bit about that happy man that is often found outside the side entrance to city hall holding a small tape player/radio that plays old Buddy Cianci speeches and greets people passing by with the line "Buddy Cianci number one! Go Red Sox!" Where has he gone and what is he up to? I miss that old fella. —Jed Rocka

by Ted Rao

IN THIS ISSUE: PROVIDENCE DRIVES WHILE WHITE.

(Actual dialogue between myself and the cop who pulled me over last week on Valley Street while I was driving my truck with: 1. no front plate, 2. a busted headlight, 3. no inspection sticker, 4. an expired license, 5. expired insurance, and 6. no plausible exhaust system to speak of.)

Cop: How are you doing today?

Providence: Fine officer, how are you?

Do you know anything about the old train tunnel
underneath College Hill? Supposedly there was some kind of riot in it in the
early '90s. The North Main St.
Entrance to the tunnel, near Mill's Tavern, is now sealed shut with a large
metal wall. Thanks. - Dan Lawlor

By Ted Rao

The
"Greatest Spin-Doctor in Providence" award must surely go to Providence Public
Library Director Dale Thompson. Thompson, famous for her branch "restructuring"
program last year, a term which served as an umbrella for such other niceties
such as "layoffs," "union-busting," and "administrative pay-raises," recently
wrote the oh-so-rosiest of letters-to-the-editor to the Providence Journal last Monday. In a piece of spin that would make
Scott McClellan salivate, Thompson thanked city officials such as Mayor David
Cicilline and City Council Majority Leader Luis Aponte, for their "tremendous
and immediate outpouring of support" in closing the Washington Park Branch on
Broad Street.

by Ted Rao

This marks the tenth appearance of I Am Providence in this paper. Thanks to everyone who has sent or continues to send questions, comments, or lists to iamprov@gmail.com.

I think I'll try a Narragansett. It's this rad new beer.