The Agenda

Lhude sing cuccu!

It's that time of year again when I start to fantasize about moving to Alaska (Weather Underground is forecasting highs in Anchorage today in the “upper 50s to mid 60s,” which is far more tolerable than the stinking sweating purgatory of Providence today). If you love summer as much as I do, the Rhode Island Department of Environmental Management wants you to know they feel your pain. If you need protection from the “unhealthy air quality” afflicting Southern New England like a divine punishment for something-or-other, head to the Da Vinci Center in the North End for some emergency shelter.

(As disgusting as this weather is, though, it's still no justification for closing public schools like those wimps in Pawtucket. Someone tell School Superintendent Hans W. Dellith to man the hell up.)

Don Mollis would like to remind youse that if you voted in one party's presidential primary (presumably the one that still counted by the time Rho Dylanders got our turn) and would like to vote in another party's primary in September (presumably the party that doesn't count in Rho Dyland), you need to do that thing with the stuff by June 11.

But, but Jef... we need more luxury condos.

For the first time in U.S. history, more than one of every 100 adults is in jail or prison, according to a new report documenting America's rank as the world's No. 1 incarcerator. It urges states to curtail corrections spending by placing fewer low-risk offenders behind bars.

“As voters prepare to cast their ballots to nominate their choice for the next President of the United States, I want to make sure they know exactly where to go to cast their ballot,” says Providence Mayor David Cicilline in a press release today. Providentians seem to have divested themselves of their well-reasoned cynicism regarding the incredible fiction of American democracy, and will be turning out in “record numbers” on March 4th to register their support of future President John McCain, one of two identical lying, pro-war Democrats, or one of many irrelevant also-rans.

In any case, if you have some time to waste next Tuesday, you should go to the Rhode Island Voter Information Center website to find out the location of your local polling place (pictured, left). Note that your polling place for the primary election may be different from your usual November location, so it's a good idea to check, to ensure you can maintain the illusion of having your voice heard.

Don't be surprised if you hear that question a lot more often in the coming months. Rhode Island's premier manufacturer of Carcieri blankets has alerted us to the news that federal Medicare officials, looking to cut costs, have finally noticed an accounting irregularity here in Rhode Island. (Funny; you'd think they'd look here first for that kind of thing.)

I think The Don's been sucking on one of those pipes we featured recently.

Today's ProJo, in reporting a license suspension for a South Providence liquor store, mentions that, “By statute, it is a criminal offense for a liquor licensee to sell alcohol ‘to any intoxicated persons or to any person of notoriously intemperate habits.’”

The epithet, “Person of notoriously intemperate habits” grabbed my attention for two reasons. First, it's an accurate description of any given Agenda staff member. Secondly, it's another beautiful turn of phrase from our state law books, ranking up there with “abominable and detestable crime against nature” (which, fortunately for us, is no longer punishable—by the state of Rhode Island, at least—unless “any beast” is involved).

Forty-five percent of entering freshmen at Central High School reach their senior year, according to a new Johns Hopkins University study cited today by the Providence Journal's newsblog.

We at The Agenda opposed the referendum asking for almost $90m for the state Department of Transportation last year on the basis that the money would be better spent improving public transportation (only a tiny fraction of the funds were earmarked for RIPTA) than expanding the state's capacity for automobile traffic.

Silly us. It turns out we should have opposed the bond issue on the grounds that the DOT is a cesspool of corruption and waste, as reported in today's ProJo:

Senator Tom Harkin of Iowa has just introduced a bill which the ACLU describes as “an excellent, comprehensive solution to close the Guantanamo prison and end indefinite detention by requiring the government to get its act together and finally charge anyone alleged to have committed a crime.”

Ralph Mollis is notorious in North Providence and beyond for his familiarity with some of Rhode Island's seedier elements.

The Providence Journal reported yesterday (on its news blog that Belo Corporation, parent company of ProJo and such closely related companies as Texas Cable News, KONG-TV Seattle, and The Dallas Morning News, saw its first quarter profits decline compared to 1Q06.

Update 2/21/07:

The Russian Sub Museum’s website has been updated with additional information about the Museum’s status, assurances that precautions have been taken to protect the local environment from the small amount of fuel which may leak from the vessel, and a plea for donations:

“While our insurance will cover most of the salvage costs, it does not cover restoration to museum status. We would welcome donations from friends and supporters who are as eager as we are to see Rhode Islanders and visitors continuing to enjoy the sub.…

“West Country Farmhouse Cheesemakers are so proud of the year it takes for their perfect-tasting cheddar to reach maturity that they have put a single cheese on a round-the-clock webcam for the whole world to see.” You can even download a screensaver (apparently Windows-only) to show you streaming, up to the minute cheese video without loading the website.