Post-Election Autopsy
Armed with plenty of correction fluid (available in tall shiny red cans for $2 and up at fine dives everywhere), Agenda editors reveled as Democratic asses kicked GOP butt, sending the pachyderms packing. Team Blue gained six Governorships, 29 House seats, and six Senate seats across the nation. While most of these were ho-hum for most non-constituents, a few key races are of national interest: Massachusetts has its first non-rich-white Governor, Deval Patrick; New Yorkers let their best Attorney General ever, Elliott Spitzer, take the big chair in Albany; and Rick “Santorum” Santorum got his ass pounded in Pennsylvania, to our enormous delight. But spectator sports aside, all politics is local, as the saying goes, so here’s our perspective on the Election 2006 hangover:
U.S. Senate: Sheldon Whitehouse beats Lincoln Chafee
Cruel irony of conscience sank Chafee’s bid, when the GOP’s least loyal Senator couldn’t give up on the party that mortally blighted his re-election campaign. Chafee pleaded independence, but in the Senate, where party headcount is paramount, the stakes were too high this time to accommodate a nice guy.
U.S. House of Representatives, District 1: Patrick Kennedy held his own
Kennedy was our pick because, well, why not? Okay, so he got high and crashed his car. Who of us hasn’t done that? He’s done well in office—we’re pretty sure, anyway—and what did any of his opponents bring to the table? Sure, they might be more “sober” or whatever, but if you had to sit through congressional hearings you’d want to be wasted, too.
U.S. House of Representatives, District 2: James Langevin pasted Rod DriverOur pick, Challenger Rod Driver is a tell-it-like-it-is, pull-no-punches, royal prick of a straight talker who would have offered a refreshing change, in that he’s not afraid to tell us what we don’t to hear.
Governor: Donald Carcieri vs. Charlie “Mr. Potatohead” Fogarty
Our choice was Mr. Potatohead, who at least has some goddamned clue about the plight of working people; while we honestly believe that Carcieri has done some fine things, and may do more, we were infuriated by his active opposition to the minimum wage increase.
Lieutenant Governor: Elizabeth Roberts easily beat some guy named Reginald Centracchio and inveterate Robert Healy (our pick)
Healy’s right: The office is obsolete, and an unconscionable drain on needed state resources, as well as a pointless stepping stone to higher office. We wish Roberts well in … er, whatever her plan is.
Secretary of State: Ralph Mollis beat Sue Stenhouse (our pick)—close call
Mollis had a good campaign motto, “Experienced Leadership.” A better one would’ve been, “He Knows Some Guys.” But we preferred Stenhouse because she hasn’t recently been mayor of North Providence, or attended a Mob funeral.
Attorney General: Patrick Lynch easily beat William Harsch (our pick)
We were ready to endorse pretty much anyone challenging Patrick Lynch, now infamous for selling out the survivors of The Station fire by failing to indict state and local officials implicated in the catastrophe. Luckily for him, voters disagreed with us. But we’re not alone in our dim view of one of the state’s weakest AGs ever. Critics of challenger Harsch implied that he can be, well, harsh, but we’re ready to see some brass ones in that plush leather chair.
General Treasurer: Frank Caprio trounced someone, we heard
Could you have named challenger Andrew Lyon if we hadn’t just told you his name? Wait a second – how about now? A worthy candidate should at least be memorable for their ideas, if nothing else.
Casino (Rejected)
Voters elected not to gamble the state’s future on a slim bet with unknown odds. The massive media war on this issue was mostly between obscenely wealthy backer Harrah’s and wealthy associates of local gaming incumbents, rendering the mudslinging spectacle moot for most constituents—but unanswered questions, transparent lies by leading proponents, and the fear of a gigantic out-of-state gaming empire pulling the Assembly around by the short arm combined to cool Harrah’s hot run.
Voting Rights (Approved)
Voters agreed that giving the vote to parolees is a vital part of a comprehensive reintegration strategy that promises to return past offenders as productive members of society, restoring political purchase and personal dignity.
Budget Reserve (Approved)
The state’s “rainy day fund” was made stronger by voters’ approval of its expansion, along with restrictions on overflow – increasing the state’s emergency readiness and improving its bond rating, as well as enhancing fiscal responsibility and transparency.
Higher Education Bonds (Approved)
History shows that aggressive investment in education is among the most reliable and fruitful for any state, and the earlier the better.
Transportation Bonds (Approved)
SUVs get new high-speed lanes while RIPTA gets a cold shoulder: Is there any limit to how much voters are willing to pay for the alleged convenience of driving, over more sane, efficient and environmentally sound alternatives? Amid the huge largesse for “roads and bridges,” the few crumbs left over for “buses” won’t do much for RIPTA in the long term.
Zoo Bonds (Approved)
With a carousel, planetarium, botanical gardens, and much more, the Roger Williams Park and Zoo was expensive to build and maintain, even more expensive to expand and improve; but it’s a valuable tourist draw, and we’re glad that voters agree that this bold initiative is the best way to get the most out of the substantial investments of the past.
Fort Adams Bonds (Rejected)
As tourism is one of the state’s most robust and reliable revenue streams, and within that, our state heritage is at least the second biggest tourist appeal (only behind natural beauty), we supported a long-term investment in this Revolution-era landmark, but most voters outside Newport disagreed.
DEM Bonds (Recreation) (Approved)
Voters approved of a multi-level approach to government funding of parks and open space, recognizing that many smaller municipalities cannot singlehandedly afford to maintain public spaces that benefit many people beyond their town borders.
Affordable Housing Bonds (Approved)
We supported this as a stopgap measure for today’s needy families, but we had many unanswered questions: How many units does this buy? What sort of housing? Will these bonds pay to warehouse the poor in cookie-cutter projects? Is there a more viable and cost-effective long-term strategy for mitigating persistent poverty against overheated housing markets?
Notes / Other:
Thumbs-up for David Segal (even though he ran unopposed.) Shout-out to Jeff Toste, who didn’t win the race, but did build community. National news? Maybe just mention Dem control of Senate, esp. if it gives us a chance to use the line “Casey pounded Santorum’s ass.” [W: Leave Casey's name out of it; it doesn't matter who did the pounding, only that the ass in question was pounded. Casey might not even be important for those who voted for him; they may have just wanted to, well, pound Santorum's ass. Man, I'm not going to get tired of this one for some time, I can tell.]
