My partner and I have been interested in anal sex. We tried it once, but it was very painful. Any advice?
– Dirty Penny
Anal sex should not be painful, but if you go at it without taking the proper steps that’s often what happens. The anal area is loaded with thousands of pleasurable nerve endings, so it is definitely an area worth exploring. The first, most important part of exploring anal sex is a desire to do so. The second is lubrication. The third is more lubrication. Anal sex takes time, practice, and patience. There are some very good books available to help you along the way. One that I especially like is “The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women” by Tristan Taormino, who is considered the go-to girl on anal sex for women. If you don’t have the patience to sit down and read (though we recommend that you try!) she also has two videos by the same name. Learn as much as you can about the subject and about your body; it wouldn’t hurt to take a mirror and look at your lovely rosebud.
Practice relaxing your sphincter muscles. When you are with your partner you can begin with plenty of foreplay; you want to be as excited as possible! Have your partner massage lubrication around the anal area. We tend to recommend two types of lubrication that are fabulous for anal play; Maximus and Eros. Maximus is a thick water-based lubrication and Eros is a silicone lubrication. They are both thick and long lasting but they feel completely different so it’s best to figure out which one you like best. An anal massage will bring the blood flow closer to the surface, making the whole area more relaxed and receptive to penetration. And, of course, add more lube! When the sphincter muscles are ready, the anus will “wink” at you to let you know. Have your partner slip a finger in, just past the sphincter muscles. If there is significant resistance or if it hurts, return to external massage and try again in a few minutes. While the outer sphincter muscle is voluntary, the inner sphincter muscle is involuntary, which is why the area needs to be relaxed in order for penetration to feel good. If you own a clitoris, you could also try using a vibrator while there is something stimulating your anal area; it helps the arousal and all around relaxation. Once you feel comfortable with one finger, you can have your partner slip another finger inside or then maybe a slim butt plug or a small dildo, adding lube as you go. Any toys that you use anally must have a flared base! You don’t want something to accidentally slip in all the way, and don’t think it couldn’t happen to you! Every year thousands of people make bad anal choices and end up in the hospital. Continue adding fingers and lube and toys; you may be ready right away, or it may take a few sessions before you’re ready to accept an actual penis. A word of wisdom: never use a product that is meant to desensitize or numb the area. You need to know if it hurts, because if it hurts, something isn’t right and you should stop. The tissue in your anal area is very thin and could easily be torn. It is also important that you and your partner keep in communication during anal sex for the same reason. If it starts to hurt, slow down or stop and try again another time!
This is a very brief overview. For more info read the book or watch the video. There is so much more pleasure awaiting this exploration!
I also like to suggest that your partner be willing to be on the receiving end; especially if he’s a male as he has a prostate and boy oh boy, is it a wonderful thing to have stimulated! Lastly, remember that Miko not only carries all these great toys for anal play, but we also teach classes on Back Door Lovin’! Call us and find out what fabulous things you wish your High School Sex Ed teacher talked to you about!
Send your questions to askmiko@agendanation.net.
My question to you is on Anal Sex.
I am a male 41years of age from India and am in sexual relation with a woman 34 years of age since 10 years. We both are healthy and perfectly heterosexual individuals. She is a widow and I am a widower and we don’t have any other sexual partners.
Our sexual practice goes like this –
After a good amount of foreplay, we enter into straight (peno-vaginal) sex (missionary position) in which she climaxes (experiences good orgasm).
After this practice, she lies into a prone position (lying face downwards); I tuck a high pillow under her pubis to raise her buttocks-level. I, then spread her ass-cheeks and perform anus-licking followed by long lasting and deep anilingus on her. I literally EAT her asshole thoroughlly and although it has no taste, I find it very delicious. I relish this act – so much so that most of the times, I come on the brink of ejaculation. She likes this act too.Then I lubricate my middle and index fingers with plain coconut oil and do deep anal fingering on her for some time. Then we get ready for anal intercourse. She gets into a kneeling/doggy position. I apply plain coconut oil as lubricant on my erect penis and enter into her rectum from her behind without any protection. My penis is well-circumsized hence I never have had tough time inserting it through her anus. She also lets me enter happily and completely in her rectum. So far I have never experienced any kind of discomfort or irritation due to this oil used for lubrication. After 5 to 7 minutes of intimate peno-anal coitus, I ejaculate completely in her rectum without letting a drop of my semen roll outside.
After the anal act with her, I never use my anally inserted tongue, finger or penis on her vagina or elsewhere.
Sometimes after withdrawal, I see her fecal matter on my penis, but instead of feeling dirty, it makes me feel hornier and sexier. Idon’t know why but I like it very much.
Our sex act completes at this point and after this, I always go to bathroom, urinate and wash my penis thoroughlly with soap and water by giving an outward squeezing action to it. By doing this, I feel that I am taking basic health & hygiene-care of myself.
Through all these years, we have ALWAYS indulged in anal sex after straight sex. (Because I love anal sex with woman more than straight sex. Of course I have been indulging in anal sex with her total consent)
We have sex (both peno-vaginal and anal) once a week at an average and we have been indulging in it since 10 years. Hence if you calculate, you will come to know that we have indulged in straight as well as anal sex more than 500 times each in the past 10 years. So far, I have always performed peno-vaginal and anal sex with her witout any protection (condom).
As mentioned above, I am a perfectly heterosexual male and I have been enjoying straight sex as much as anal sex with my female partners only. I have NEVER EVER in my entire life felt that ASS thing towards a guy. I personally know many of my male friends and aquaintances who have a very good liking towards anal sex with women and they are perfectly heterosexual men.
So, parallelly, that should clear away the myth that anal sex guys are homosexuals.
As I am a widower, I had a very good straight sex life with my late wife (She died in an accident). She didn’t approve of the anal sex idea. Respecting her feelings, I never forced on her. But that great penchant for anal sex with a woman remained in me. Now coincidentally, it has been totally fulfilled.
My concern is –
Since last four years, I have been getting a feverish feeling intermittently. During social meetings etc., when the other person touches me during a handshake etc., he feels I have a body temperature, but if I go to measure it by thermometer, strangely it doesn’t show. During these feverish times I also feel a little sick or ill-as if I am not well and running a fever. But as I said – it doesn’t show on thermometer and I also perform all my daily chores during this phase. This phenomenon comes and goes. It doesn’t stay.
I also keep on getting mild urinary infection (urine – yellow color with strong odor and burning sensation). But that too goes away automatically.
Another thing is that sometimes I throw up and suffer from diarrhoea. This happens overnight without any warning. After taking rquired OTC pills, it gets cured.
I have a feeling that my regular practice of anal sex (deep anilingus as well as unprotected anal intercourse) has given me some kind of infection (in my stomach through my oral route as well as in my urinary tract) hence these temporary bouts of sickness. I am not sure.
My questions are –
Should I get my blood checked? If yes, what test?
Should I get vaccinated for Hepatitis A, B or C? Will it be useful now?
Should I start taking any antibiotics? What major component it should have?
If it is an infection, will it travel backwards to my kidneys?
Any other advice from you?
I know that using condom is the safest way to minimize anal sex risks, but as much as possible, I don’t want to use condom particularly for anal sex with her.
I am awaiting your advice. If you feel this question (and more importantly – your answer) is generally worth and educative for others, you can as well publish it elsewhere or through your website. I won’t mind, in fact I would welcome it. The only small request would be not to reveal my name or email ID.
With lots of sincere thanks,
Prakash Vora
— Sachin Laghate · Nov 23, 08:56 AM · #