The Agenda

Do you know anything about the old train tunnel
underneath College Hill? Supposedly there was some kind of riot in it in the
early '90s. The North Main St.
Entrance to the tunnel, near Mill's Tavern, is now sealed shut with a large
metal wall. Thanks. - Dan Lawlor

The East Side Railroad Tunnel was opened on November 15^th, 1908, following five years of planning
and two years of construction. One of the reasons that it was put in was to
accommodate the rail line that came into Providence so that it would take
people from New York and Connecticut down to the East Bay-the Warren-Bristol
Area-and eventually would travel down to Aquidneck Island in Newport, making it
a great means for wealthy folks to holiday there. It went from North Main Street
all the way over to Gano Street
(the entrance to which is still accessible), then on a bridge over the river to
East Providence, essentially connecting the
Seekonk and Providence
Rivers. Its deepest point
underground was 110 feet, as it passed under Prospect Street.

Eventually, by the 1950s one
of the two tracks in the tunnel was removed, and the line operated solely for
freight purposes. The line to Bristol
was abandoned in 1976, and the State took it over in 1981, closing it soon
after.

On the evening of May 1^st,
1993, a group of students gathered inside the tunnel by the North Main Street entrance for an
all-night May Day celebration, replete with drums, costumes, dancing and
graffiti. College security arrived to break it all up. The attendees questioned
the rent-a-cop status of the security, and claimed that they were out of their
jurisdiction. A fight ensued between one officer and a drum-beating patron, and
pretty soon the actual cops
(Providence Police) hit the scene. The crowd still refused to disperse, so the
cops used tear gas, to which the kids responded with rocks and bricks. I
remember one kid completely got the
shit knocked out of him, and others were arrested. Anyhow, the police told the Journal Bulletin that they had
encountered "satanic rituals" in the tunnel, which soon had its entrance
covered up with thick corrugated steel.

Who stays at the Sportsman's Inn?
- Mark
LeBeau

I'm not exactly sure, but
I'll bet that they don't stay for long. Maybe a half hour or so at best.

Can you tell us more about Rob Phelps?
Please? - Mike Brousseau.

No.

Why do so many of the hipsters in my neighborhood (read: West Side/Olneyville)
dress like they walked out of a Special Ed class circa 1985? - L.G.

I've been asking myself this
one for a long time... I really have no idea when it became desirable to live
your life with an attire straight out of a bizarro John Hughes film that had no
budget for a makeup artist. It's one thing to not be able to afford clothes (I
certainly can't) but there's a part of me that believes that these kids totally
have the money to buy whatever they want and yet they're just dying to
show you, without actually saying it, just how much they've been screen
printing recently. "Look at these ink stains. This is my soul..." I will be referencing this again when
I begin my next novel, entitled "Praying for a Noise Ordinance in Olneyville."
And it's not about car radios.

Angelo's: Over Hyped or Under Tasty? - L.G.

The
thing with Italian food in this town is that there's the really inexpensive,
like Mainelli's or St. Bart's in Silver
Lake, or the really
expensive, like the Blue Grotto or Al Forno. Except for certain places at
lunch, there really seems to be no middle ground. I think that Angelo's, which
opened in 1924 and holds the title as second oldest still-standing restaurant
in Rhode Island (Camille's is first; The White
Horse Tavern in Newport
is technically a tavern and not a restaurant which takes it out of the running)
has always been a decent member of the inexpensive camp. Having said that,
while there are certain items that are excellent, such as the veal &
peppers or tripe (oh, shut up and try it...), too many items are mediocre at
best. They overcook the pasta, burn the garlic, and the Coca Cola has this
weird lemony flavor that freaks me out. Furthermore, they've also raised their
prices, which shuttles certain items, such as the Veal Parmesean ($14.40!) into
mid-range price-level without improving these problems in their food. A source
from within the organization has also informed me that they're planning on
totally renovating the place, including taking down the menu that hangs on the
wall in the center of the dining room. That's crazy. The cafeteria-like
atmosphere and friendly, speedy service is the main reason people like me go,
'cuz trust me, I could otherwise make this stuff at home! I hate to outsource
outside of Providence , but the best inexpensive
Italian food in the state is at Mike's Kitchen, otherwise known as the VFW hall
on Atwood Avenue
in Cranston.
That polenta...unreal. In fact, if anyone wants to go give me a holler. I'm
dying for an excuse.

How do you feel about the return of SPATS
to Angel St? - Noah
Hayslip

Spats was a long-standing
restaurant/bar that occupied the current Paragon/Viva location on Thayer Street for a
number of years. It was the...(lemmee think about this) fourth place that
I ever got served booze under-age. The first was the infamous Laguna's on
Thayer (later a Gap, now a City Sports) when I was thirteen, the second was
Club Confetti's on Charles Street (I believe Severance was playing), and the
third was McMannis, an Irish bar that was over on Richmond Street across from
where Mirabar currently stands. Funny story about that time: me and my friends
Amy and Kelly were downtown hoping to get a beer that afternoon (I think school
was out or something). Now, we're kids, mind you. We go in, order our
beers, get them, and suddenly find ourselves with no fucking idea how to act, sitting at the bar amongst a bunch of
scary-looking Irish guys. So my genius of a friend Kelly decides to lighten up
the mood by announcing to the bartender that it was her "birthday," which it
most certainly wasn't. So the bartender looks at her and replies "Great! What's
your shot?" None of us had any idea what the fuck he meant, so we got scared and
immediately got up and left with our beers still sitting there.

Anyway, as far as Spat's
goes, one time I was there, about sixteen, with my friend Mark, drinking beer
and looking at the menu. Some pretentious Brown Professor had the nerve to walk
over to us, point to the menu, and actually begin to explain to me what
spaghetti aglio i olio (pronounced "ollie-yole") was! Asshole. I'm
Italian, I know what fucking spaghetti with oil and fucking garlic is! I almost
pulled a Sopranos with the Guinness pitcher on his head. But I instead politely
informed him that I'd been making it since I was ten, and didn't need him to
recommend any menu items to me. Whatever. Anyhow, I guess as long as the food
is good and they still serve alcohol to fifteen year-olds the way that they did
when I was that age, I suppose that it's fine.

Tell me about the guy who runs the
Army/Navy store. I have been chatting with him for at least 18 years now yet
know nothing about him. - L.G.
I believe that the Army/Navy on Thayer is the second oldest
business still in operation on Thayer
Street, possibly behind Zu Zu's or that dry
cleaning place by Tea Luxe. The owner's name is Jesse Berman, and he's been in
business for over twenty years. He, along with his wife Cheryl, also owns
Shades Plus, the candy/sunglasses/knick-knack store in the basement next door.
I blame them for getting me suspended in high school way back when the smoke
bombs that I set off in the band room junior year were purchased there. My poor
mother's tears...all your fault, Jesse.

What's the deal with the dude who used to
walk around Thayer street
with the scary dog and the big stick? - L.G.
That dog was not scary, she was lovable. The dude was way scarier. Anyhow, I
haven't seen him in quite some time.

In a fight who wins - Skinned Alive or
Strange Flesh? - Kevin Cafferty

Strange Flesh, hands down.
You simply can't fuck with Graham Batting and Jill Carter.

Why it is that so many Brown
and RISD (RIC and PC, too, I suppose) students don't come out to local shows? I
find when I go out to larger, national acts, there are all of these kids that I
have never seen before. Why don't they dip their toes in the Providence scene? And how could bands, if
they so chose, (I'm sure some would shun the idea- preferring exclusivity) get
them to come out to said shows (and perhaps keep more venues from closing)? - Hillary Duff

It's simply because our bands aren't good enough to merit the
hallowed attention of Brown and RISD students. These kids are the elite,
you see? They're far too busy preparing themselves to rule the world to listen
to your (or my, for that matter) silly local band. I don't know why so
many people have such a problem understanding this. A lifetime in Providence has taught me this:
our roles are to toil away and provide the environment for these students to
succeed. This town's gonna get a hell of a lot better once everyone else
understands that. Why, the other day I was on a crowded bus and I saw a couple
of Ivy League students get on. These poor students had nowhere to sit! Well of
course I offered them my seat, and I nudged the old lady next to me to do the
same! She of course understood. Imagine...Brown students riding a bus...

But in terms of exclusivity, I don't believe that any band
that's serious wants only a certain number of people to enjoy their music.
Those that do either aren't serious or aren't confident about getting their
work heard and seen by a great number of people. That generally means that
they're wasting everyone's time and should break up. Are you listening, crappy
local band?

Providence needs superheroes. Can you make it so I
won't get arrested for fighting crime? -
Ant

I think that if there were any town in this nation that would
actually sanction costumed vigilantes, it would be Providence. It strikes me that the real-life
red tape that superheroes like Iron Man and Batman would encounter, such as
insurance litigation stemming from demolishing the Turks Head Building in
pursuit of Dr. Doom, or the violation of a defendant's Fourth Amendment rights
against unreasonable searches and seizures when you come crashing in through
their window in the middle of the night might actually be swept aside here.
First, you'd have to get Police Chief Esserman on your side, who could in turn
persuade Mayor Cicilline to look the other way regarding your many
constitutional infractions. Next, perch yourself in front of City Council
President John J. Lombardi's bedroom window (he lives in Federal Hill) during a
thunderstorm for better effect, in order to intimidate him against issuing
anti-vigilante legislation. This might be tough, since you're really
gonna have to scare the living shit out of him. The next step would be to get
the Providence Journal on your side. Then, rally the public. Deliver
some babies in front of Kennedy Plaza, rescue a dog or two from a burning
three-decker in Silver
Lake, and you may be on
your way. I'll get back to you on your costume next issue.

Would you please cast some
light on the dark rumors ("No, really, I swear-- I know the guy who did it...")
about Lovecraft's grave being opened years ago- and his skull removed? Much
obliged. - Neils

There has been a persistent rumor over the last ten or so years
that a certain local character (whose name rhymes with a critically acclaimed
one-syllable-named pop star) once went into Swan Point Cemetery with a couple of his
knucklehead friends in the middle of the night and dug up H.P. Lovecraft's
grave. They proceeded to remove the dead writer's skull, take it with them, and
drink wine from it with their friends. Now, I'm not gonna say if this is true
or not, but I will say this: Anyone who attempts to dig up Lovecraft's grave
must first be aware of the fact that Lovecraft's body is not actually resting
at his gravestone. That gravestone was erected in the 1970s by fans of his,
decades after his death. Lovecraft, who died penniless, was actually buried at
a family plot several feet from where his gravestone sits. So they would have
had to have been aware of that fact. So, all you folks who already know
about this story can just wrap your head around that one and draw your own
conclusions.

What happened to Boneyard? - Jason
Barnacled

Please see the obituary to our friend Gene Severens, who was a
member of Boneyard. Otherwise, Gail Greenwood and Chil Mott formed Benny
Sizzler, and Gail was showcased in a recent issue of Rhode Island Monthly
for her efforts to combat sprawl in her hometown of Middletown, RI.

 

What's the story behind your
really annoying policy of ticketing every fucking car on every fucking street,
every fucking night? - Michael L. Riley

 

Aggressive ticketing stems from A) trying to combat traffic and
fire hazards, which increased greatly in the 1950's and 60's, and B) since it's
the only way that the city currently makes money besides the property tax.
That's pretty much it. Moreover, in the last issue I spoke of plans for
on-street overnight parking programs in the city, wherein a resident would
purchase a $25 sticker, thus allowing him or her the right to park their car in
their neighborhood overnight. Well...I recently learned that the sticker will be
issued only after the applicant's
outstanding parking tickets are paid off in
full. Just an FYI.

Why did the duckpin bowling
alley on North Main close? Are there any plans
of reopening? Of all the things I've done in Providence, duckpin bowling is one I've never
done and I wish I could do it there. - Ratt Scallion

I'm not sure if Chips, the bowling alley on North Main Street had always gone by that
name, but I can tell you that it wasn't always underground. Records indicate
that a major fire occurred at what was called The Rhode Island Recreational
Center in 1947, which completely leveled the above ground element of a bowling
alley at that location. Whether the bowling alley encompassed the aboveground
portion of the structure or not, I don't know. But after the fire the alley was
all that was left. Chip's, which had full-on league bowling as well as a bar
and cafe, closed due to lack of revenue coupled with higher rents and all those
crazy factors that cause businesses to fail. And no, there are no plans of
reopening. But duckpin bowling is alive and well all over the state, with
various locations in Cranston, Johnston,
and the East Bay.

I heard a rumor
that there used to be a velodrome down where the Shaws shopping plaza on North Main Street
now stands. Is that true? What happened to it? Was there anything else of
interest located in that area before the strip mall? - Ratt Scallion

There was indeed a turn-of-the-century velodrome in that space, as
bicycle racing was all the rage back then. The center of the velodrome later
became the home field for Rhode
Island's only NFL football team The Providence
Steamroller, who actually won the championship in 1928, making them the only
New England NFL team to take the trophy until the recent New England Patriots
dynasty. The Steamroller disbanded in 1931 due to the Depression. Soon after, a
drive-in theatre was opened there in 1937 by the Loew family, who also owned
the famous Loew's Theatre downtown. It had a capacity for 700 cars, and was at
another point called The Providence-Pawtucket Drive-In. Sources tell me it was
the eighth drive-in theatre in the
country. Well, kiss my grits! Now it's a Shaws! Progress! And my Grandparents'
old store that existed on Admiral
Street for over 40 years? Well that's now a Dunkin
Donuts! Awesome! I love...stuff! Yeah!

 

OK, I'm done. However, some may remember my printed tussle with
one David A Everett a couple issues back. Well, the fucker has returned with a
"Top Ten Providence Bands of All Time" list, and I accept that as a concession
of defeat. Thanks a lot, and remember to e-mail any and all questions,
comments, lists, rants, raves, love and/or hate letters to iamprov@gmail.com.

 

Ted:

In
no particular order (and I'm sure I'm forgetting some obvious choices) here are
10 local favorites from the last 25 years or so. They run the gamut. I'm taking
"local" to mean Rhode Island as a whole
(though most were based in Providence).

1. Plan 9
(guitars, guitars, guitars - listen to "Keep Your Cool" and "Play by the Rules"
and "Dealing with the Dead" if you can find them; they put on great loud shows
in their heyday)

2. Von Ryan's Express (short and not so sweet...always left you wanting more;
"Up On Blocks" is a classic)

3. Coat of Arms
(not just for nepotistic reasons [note: Dave's brother Paul was the singer];
I was a huge fan)

4. Young Adults
(comic rock at its finest)

5. Groovemasters (tight grooves, sinewy basslines and the tasty licks of the late Paul
Murphy)

6. Medicine Ball (I liked the early raw Pete Phillips era and the last period the best)

7. Jungle Dogs
(I may have taken them for granted in their time but appreciate them more now,
especially after a recent gig at AS 220)

8. Egyptians
(long gone...they moved to NY in the early 80s and I saw them play there as
well - their Providence
days were the best)

9. Mundanes
(saw them first in high school in the late 70s; punchy powerpop with great
guitar hooks from Jonathan Gregg)

10. Blackstone
Valley Sinners (great voice and great guitar; it took Slim from Colorado and Rich from Mass. to write songs about RI like no one
else)

Ten
isn't nearly enough and the list could change on a daily basis, depending on
what kind of nostalgic trip I'm on, state of mind, mood, etc. Also requiring
mention are: Schemers, Boss Fuel, Double Nuthins, Electric
Blanket, Grandma Toodle, Pie Wagon, Redline, and
others I'll remember later.... Peace, Dave.