Humor
17 February 08 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Eric Smith
by Eric Smith | photos by Rachel Silver
Money. Success. Respect. All overrated. Our peers in publishing will have you believe that they have a lock on what is “eligible,” or even “readable,” but we know otherwise. Let no other magazine tell you the measure of a man — but let…
I Am Providence
31 August 07 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Ted Rao
By Ted Rao
The
"Greatest Spin-Doctor in Providence" award must surely go to Providence Public
Library Director Dale Thompson. Thompson, famous for her branch "restructuring"
program last year, a term which served as an umbrella for such other niceties
such as "layoffs," "union-busting," and "administrative pay-raises," recently
wrote the oh-so-rosiest of letters-to-the-editor to the Providence…
Politics
1 July 07 (Issue #15)
Contributor: John Taraborelli
The U.S. and Iran Show Their True Colors—And They're Not a Rainbow
by John Taraborelli
[Note: This article first appeared in The Agenda #15]
As tensions mount over Iran's nuclear ambitions and Sudan's President
Bashir is denied his seat at the African Union's rotating presidency due to his
regime's perceived complicity in the genocide…
30 June 07 (Issue #15)
Contributor: David Fischer
By Dave Fischer
[Note: This article originally appeared in The Agenda #15]
Every rumor of another movie about the
early punk scene is met with trepidation by the fans of that period. Every time
we hear about another film project covering the life of Darby Crash, we hear a
chorus of moans from the…
Community
29 June 07 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Matthew Everett
by Matthew Everett
[Note: This article first appeared in The Agenda #15]
Psychic geography is a psychic ability to examine the
interaction between spaces and people, and also a way of thinking about those
spaces and people, in which it is assumed that the space has the upper hand and
a desire to confound, betray,…
Humor
29 June 07 (Issue #15)
Contributor: John Taraborelli
[Note: This letter was originally published in The Agenda #15]
Dear President Bush,
So I guess it's official, Samuel Alito is
your man for the Supreme Court. OK. That's your prerogative, I guess. I mean, I
don't want to tell you how to do your job here, but I just thought ... well, I
don't…
28 June 07 (Issue #15)
Contributor: John Taraborelli
by
John Taraborelli
What
is this? Look at this. What is this? A hot dog. Ah yes, a hot dog. Maybe you want it; maybe you don't. What difference does
it make? What does this hot dog represent? A meal? Maybe. A snack? Perhaps. An opportunity? Yes. You're not going to be
swayed away from…
Humor
8 October 06 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Eric Smith
Jimmy James Caruso: Lecherous old man
Age: a haggard-ass 25
Zodiac sign: “Saggitarious”
Occupation: freelance sound engineer, cook at the Red Fez
What do you hope to accomplish by 60?
I consider myself in training to become a lecherous old man. I have been leaning towards older women lately. Figure I get ’em out of…
8 October 06 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Eric Smith
William Wood a.k.a. Loud Billy, a.k.a. The Mayor: Future mayor
Age: 1 score and 8 years
Zodiac sign: Scorpio
Occupation: Receptionist, Federal Hill Tattoo
What did you hope to accomplish by 28?
You don't get to a lofty position like mine by planning ahead, but here's some stuff I tried to do:
-Bristol Community College: Dropped…
8 October 06 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Eric Smith
Kevin Patrick Leavitt: Lost in a man forest
Age: 30
Zodiac sign: Pisces
Occupation: Retail Clerk
What did you hope to accomplish by 30?
To finally have that mysterious lump removed from my back.
What have you actually accomplished?
I watched the first season of Battlestar Galactica in one night
Most embarrassing moment
The time I got my back…
8 October 06 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Eric Smith
Aaron Thomas: The champagne of assholes
Age: 27
Zodiac sign: Scorpio
Occupation: Jerky’s DJ, guitarist for The Honeymoon’s Over
What did you hope to accomplish by 27?
A financially stable lifestyle, a really nice girl, a swimming pool in the backyard and a couple of my platinum records on my wall
What have you actually accomplished?
An…
8 October 06 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Eric Smith
Michael David Brousseau: Pictured with his svonce
Age: 31
Zodiac sign: Scorpio
Occupation: tattoo artist
What did you hope to accomplish by 31?
A wife, a job, a ridiculously large collection of records, a masters degree, a dog and rent.
What have you actually accomplished?
An ex-fiance, a job, a marginal collection of scratched hip hop 12…
8 October 06 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Eric Smith
Robert William Albanese III: Borderline eligible
Age: 27
Zodiac sign: Gemini
Occupation: adjunct professor/writer/video store clerk
What did you hope to accomplish by 27?
To have made a feature-length film and/or written a published novel
What have you actually accomplished?
Maintaining somewhere between $50 and $1500 in my bank account; earning a masters degree; teaching a college…
8 October 06 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Eric Smith
Edward Joseph Rao: Reservoir Jerk
Age: 29
Zodiac sign: Sagittarius
Occupation: Former cook, current Student, professional drinker and/or over-analyzer.
What did you hope to accomplish by 29?
I would like to have an occupation that helps people while paying the bills (such as a school teacher), be happily in love, playing music regularly, and…
8 October 06 (Issue #15)
Contributor: Eric Smith
Kevin Joseph Bowden: Has posted "raves" of self on craigslist
Age: 29
Zodiac Sign: Cancer
Occupation: Futon salesman, DJ, bass player for The Cold War
What did you hope to accomplish by 29?
World touring rockstar, professional stuntman
What have you actually accomplished?
Failed musician, intermittently employed, currently homeless. I'd say things couldn't get any worse, but…
